Go ahead. Tell me this couldn’t happen.

Washington Post—Voting Rights under Attack!

The Texas state legislature is now considering a bill to remove the right to vote from women and African-Americans. The bill’s sponsor, Representative Bubba Houston, says that giving the legislature control over elections in the state was only the first step. “It is long past time,” said Houston, “to return the white race to its proper dominion over sub-humans.”

Representative Sally Adams protested that “Women are not sub-human!” She did not say anything about African-Americans. Nevertheless, several other members of the legislature booed her.

CNN—Texas Voting Rights Grab Unconstitutional?

Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY) requested that the Department of Justice declare the Texas bill stripping Blacks and women of the right to vote unconstitutional. “This is a blatant attempt to ensure that only Republican votes are counted in this fall’s presidential election.”

Texas senator Ted Cruz said that all states have the right to nullify federal laws, including constitutional amendments. Senator Schumer responded that the federal government has sent U.S. Marshals to enforce federal right-to-vote laws before and will do so again if necessary.

Senator Cruz waved off questions from CNN’s reporters, saying, “I have a plane to catch. I am taking my family on vacation. To Rio, not Cancun.”

Washington Post—Texas Voting Rights Bill Passes

The Texas state legislature has passed its bill restricting the right to vote to white male citizens. Governor Abbott is expected to sign it into law later today. He has already said that the bill returns Texas to its American roots. “When this nation was founded, only white male property owners could vote. This bill is actually much more progressive than our nation’s founders. It recognizes that a great many people now live in apartments. Many white males do not own real estate today!”

CNN—US Marshals Stand Ready

U.S. Attorney General Merrick Garland announced this morning that the U.S. Marshals Service has been put on alert. “The newly disenfranchised citizens of the great state of Texas will be allowed to vote even if we have to count their ballots ourselves.”

Houston Chronicle—The Hell you Say!

Rogue non-President Biden’s attempt to override the will of Texas’s people will not be tolerated. According to state representative Bubba Houston, “Discussions of secession have already begun.”

CNN—Houston Divorce

Marina Houston, wife of Texas state legislator Bubba Houston, has filed for divorce. “He never listens to me,” she told CNN.

Mr. Houston responded, “I don’t have to listen to her. She thinks women should be able to vote!”

Washington Post—Trump Wins Texas

The polls have closed in Texas, and Trump won 98 percent of the vote. However, the turnout was low. Only 20 percent of the state’s registered voters came to the polls.

Governor Abbott announced that, “We will not accept the illegitimate votes gathered by the discredited Washington regime’s so-called Marshals.”

Those votes told a very different story…

Houston Chronicle—The Confederacy Is Back!

This morning, the Texas state Legislature put the Articles of Secession on Governor Abbott’s desk. Abbott signed them immediately, thus declaring the birth of the New Confederacy. The state legislature—now the National Council—immediately appointed Abbott President-for-Life.

All states that were members of the Old Confederacy have been invited to join the New Confederacy.

The congressional representatives of the old state of Texas have been recalled.

CNN Analysis—Texas Loses Out

Trump supposedly took Texas by a huge margin. Unfortunately, a president cannot be elected until the Electoral College makes its call.

Since is no longer a state, it can no longer appoint electors to the Electoral College. Trump’s win is for nothing.

Elsewhere in the nation, Pete Buttigieg has the edge.

Washington Post—DeSantis Hesitates

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis held a press conference this afternoon. “I have great sympathy with the great state of Texas’s efforts to reclaim its sovereign rights from the illegitimate administration in Washington,” he said. “However, I am not sure secession or a new Confederacy is the way to go. Florida will wait to see what happens next. I expect other states to do the same.”

CNN—Cruz Bails Out

Ex-Texas Senator Ted Cruz says, “I and my family will remain in Rio de Janeiro. Heidi and I have already requested asylum. We may even apply for citizenship.”

New York Times—Slavery Is Back

The National Council of the New Confederacy has passed a bill restricting citizenship and the right to own property to white males. Prime Minister Bubba Houston explained, “Blacks are now property of the state. Their assets, all of which were gained by criminal activity, are confiscated. They will be rehoused in tent villages now being prepared. Over the coming months they will be auctioned to new owners.”

New Confederacy High Justice Travis Eames said, “I look forward to having a couple of those ACLU lawyers as servants around the house.”

Washington Post—Troop Withdrawal under Way

President Biden has ordered the Department of Defense to withdraw all forces, weapons, and other equipment from the 15 military bases in the ex-state of Texas, now known as the “New Confederacy.”

These bases contributed about $130 billion to the Texas economy. That was about 7 percent of Texas’s GDP of $1.8 trillion. At his noon press conference, President Biden said, “We refuse to contribute to the New Confederacy economy.”

New York Times—Mutiny at Fort Hood

A large contingent of troops at Fort Hood in the ex-state of Texas have refused to withdraw to bases in other states, as ordered. They have seized weapons from the base armory and refused to allow tanks and aircraft to be removed.

A New Confederacy spokesman announced that any troops who wish to remain in the New Confederacy will be welcome in the Freedom Force.

The Freedom Force has already absorbed the Texas National Guard and the Texas Rangers.

CNN—Slaves Liberated

Troops withdrawing from Fort Bliss and Fort Sam Houston paused to attack nearby concentration camps holding disenfranchised Blacks.

One column of thousands of marchers, escorted by U.S. troops, has taken over Interstate 10 on the way to New Mexico. Another column is using the same highway eastbound to Louisiana. After the New Confederacy’s Freedom Force tried to reclaim the freed prisoners and was repelled, many marchers began to sing “We Shall Overcome!” and “Ain’t Gonna Let Nobody Turn Me Around.”

Unfortunately, thousands of people remain in the New Confederacy’s concentration camps. Non-whites made up more than a quarter of the Texas population.

A Department of Defense spokesperson said this afternoon that “We will endeavor to liberate all the New Confederacy’s political prisoners.”

Internet Observer—Texcels Now a Thing!

We have grown accustomed to incels (involuntary celibates) staking their claim on anything in skirts (except Scotsmen). They feel mistreated because women don’t want anything to do with them.

They have now been joined by Texcels, white supremacists of the New Confederacy, who insist that “Women cannot be allowed to leave the state! They exist to serve men!”

Liberal activists have already set up a GoFundMe page to send a trailer-truck full of fleshlights and inflatable love dolls to Austin.

Washington Post—Underground Railroad Running Again

Disenfranchised minorities and women and newly enslaved African-Americans are fleeing the “New Confederacy.”  Every night for the past week, crowded cars and trucks have been evading Freedom Force blockades to reach the border. Volunteers wait beside the roads with fuel, food, and fresh drivers to replace the exhausted and wounded.

U.S. troops are stationed at the border to welcome the refugees. When Freedom Force troops confronted them at a crossing near Wichita Falls, warning shots were fired. The Freedom Force withdrew, and the refugee convoy successfully escaped the “New Confederacy.”

CNN—Expanded Border Wall Destroyed

In 2021, Texas began an expansion of the Trump Border Wall. That wall is still under construction, but it is having difficulties. Almost as fast as it is built, Mexican troops are using bulldozers to knock it down.

The New Confederacy’s President-for-Life Abbott said at yesterday’s news conference that, “The wall is essential to keep disloyal workers at home, where they can labor for the good of the nation. Destroying the wall is an act of war. Mexico will pay!”

New Confederacy militias are gathering at the Alamo to repel invasion.

New York Times—Refineries Blazing after Galveston Air Strikes

Smoke and flame fill the night sky over Galveston. (See video.)

Air cover strikes on Freedom Force troops near Galveston have destroyed refineries and other industrial facilities.

New Confederacy refugees have been gathering on the beaches of the Gulf of Mexico. Volunteer and U.S. Coast Guard vessels meet them at night to take them to safety. When Freedom Force personnel opened fire on the waiting refugees, U.S. Navy landing craft delivered armed troops to defend them and called for air cover.

In the confusion, U.S. troops were able to liberate two more concentration camps.

New Confederacy President-for-Life Abbott looked haggard at a brief news conference this morning. “This is war,” he said. “But we will stand firm. The rights of white America must be defended, no matter the cost!”

CNN—New Confederacy Refugees Turning White

It is no longer just minorities and women who are fleeing the New Confederacy. More and more refugees are now white men. One, who insisted on anonymity, said, “I have family back there, and I feel sorry for them. We are going to get so stomped!”

Washington Post—Coup in New Confederacy

Small numbers of white supremacists are already taking to the empty streets. Their signs say “WE CAN WIN!” and “TO THE DEATH!”

CNN—Congress Not So Sure about That

When the New Confederacy renamed itself Texas last week and requested readmission to the United States, Congress immediately began debate.

Senator Chuck Schumer (D-NY) told CNN reporters, “They made a bad mistake. But adding a new state to the Union is a huge decision. The process takes years to work through. And frankly, there are both Republicans and Democrats who feel Texas went way too far.”

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis said in a phone call, “I think Florida was right to sit this one out. It is time to put an end to extremist politics. I do feel sorry for the remaining Texans, and that it took so long for some of them to return to their senses.”  

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